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Can pursuing careers add stress to relationships?
Cebu Daily News
July 20, 2005
Page 19 - 20

EVER since entering the digital age, men and women have been entrapped by the conflicting demands of work and development of personal life such as love and marriage. How to keep a balance between love and career seems to be an eternal problem. In the Philippines, or Cebu at least, working people are burdened with more pressure than ever. "We need to work to support ourselves," said Joanna Mallarin, 21, as she chatted with her former classmates from university. "The time when a man could support his wife has long since passed. Work not only gives me money, but a sense of dignity and independence. However, nowadays, women face more challenges - working overtime allows me no time for love," she said. Joanna graduated from school last March, and works as an auditor in a multinational accounting firm. Auditing is challenging work. Traveling around the country and working over time seems to be the daily routine in this line of work. "Once I went to work at 7 o'clock in the morning and stayed until 5 o'clock the next morning, then I went home to have a bath and change clothes. At 9 o'clock, I started work again. No time for sleep, let alone love," she emphasized. The disciplines of Joanna’s company stipulated the employees must work overtime in order to finish the job before deadline. Their overtime hours are compensated by money — per hour after 8 p.m. — rather than extra vacation.

But, according to Joanna, “no time for love” does not suggest that she doesn’t want to fall in love.

“Do you know two of my classmates in university have gotten married, and one is engaged? I admired them very much; at the same time, I felt lost. I can’t agree more with French writer Guy de Maupassant words — a woman’s greatest wish is to be loved, ” Joanna said with a sigh.

Her friend Clarissa, who is a customer representative at a call center, disagreed.

“Women’s wishes are not that simple. Don’t tell me that you do not love the sense of achievement, otherwise you would not to be an accountant. I believe at present young working women like us need to sacrifice love for work, or we will repent in our 40s.”

She added that love would harm her career as it consumes her time and energy. Clarissa’s work schedule is different from most of her former classmates. Sometimes she works from afternoon to midnight; other times she wakes up at dawn and works till afternoon.

“I do not know myself when I will be available, so dating time cannot be fixed. I will not waste a lot of time chatting on the phone with my prince charming to discuss when we can meet. I will save such time for sleep,” she said.

Clarissa ’s words provoked mockery by her former classmate, Joseph Puyo, who once worked at a call center, now in a manufacturing firm.

“You have been brainwashed by your boss. At first sight, I can tell you are a work-worm deprived of sunlight and energy,” Joseph jokes.

“My former boss in the company said there should be no love affairs in the office. However, in the employee’s manual there is no rule about such matters. I am a black sheep and fell in love with my colleague,” Joseph said with a laugh.

It was a burgeoning call center, and Joseph’s boss knew about his romance immediately. In his three-month review, the boss effectively blocked Joseph's promotion for alleged low work efficiency.

“I think I was unfairly treated because I challenged his authority, so I resigned in protest. A friend also resigned,” Joseph said.

He smiled and added that six months after he left, he had found his present job as an assistant brand manager in the manufacturing firm.

“I should thank that paranoid boss, otherwise I would be hunting for a job now. I love my current job, which is comfortable and offers high pay,” Joseph said.

What about his relationship with the ex-colleague?

“ We broke up a few months ago,” he said, sheepishly.

And the reason?

“I think we just drifted apart. She was — and still is — working in a call center. I’m working in a highly charged environment where I travel a lot, visit a lot of provinces and track our sales growth. We hardly have time to go out, and when we do, one or both of us are too tired to do anything other than eat dinner and sleep.”

Most of us are overworked, and the stress levels have reached an all-time high. It seems difficult for single people to strike a balance between work and play, but thankfully, standing on the balancing beam doesn’t seem as tricky as it is. However, it can make for some tough choices. How do you begin? Take the time to reflect on the quality of your single life, right at this moment.

Our journey in life defines exactly who we are. Prioritize your life. Your thoughts are powerful. Create a mental picture of exactly what you want in life. Use this as your “road-map.” Now you can sit down, and create a list of your priorities. Take your time with this. Decide what you can really control in your life. Release the rest.
1. De-stress. How do you react to the pressures in your life? It is impossible and even undesirable to eliminate all stress from our lives. Stress, when properly managed, can actually enrich and motivate us, but when it is not properly dealt with, it can be very detrimental. What are your stressors? Begin to take notice of times that you are feeling overwhelmed. Can you eliminate these stress-producers from your life? If they can’t be eliminated, it is possible to change your reaction to them.

2. Simplify. You don’t need to be busy every minute of the day. Stay home with your family. Don’t make a commitment unless it is important to you. Get in the habit of saying no to things you don’t want to, or don’t have time to do (and don’t feel guilty about it.) Don’t be a slave to the phone. Remember your priorities.

3. Play. When we allow our leisure time to decrease, we may see that our relationships begin to suffer. Take time out to play. Go outdoors, take a mountain trip with your loved one, play video games together, watch a favorite movie, or share a cup of steaming hot chocolate and some good conversation. Really be there for that moment. Show your loved one how important they are to you by giving them some one-on-one time.

4. Share the load. Sit down, and decide as a couple where your priorities lie, and assign jobs. Does she have a 9 to 5 job, while you have an 11 to 6 (as in 11 p.m. to 6 p.m.)? Tell yourselves you will take turns in treating the other out for a couple of hours of “you time.” Sharing the load will result in more time for both of you.

5. Slow down! You are pulled in many directions. What do you do when you feel there just isn’t enough of you to go around? Ask yourself, “What is most enjoyable and rewarding for me?” Don’t give another thought to wasting your precious time on activities that are meaningless to you. Instead, put the focus on what is really important in your life. Have realistic expectations of yourself and others. Learn to be adaptable. Go with the flow. Let go of what you no longer need.

6. Nurture yourself. A body that is well taken care of is much more easily able to deal with the stresses of everyday life. Eat a nutritious and well-balanced diet, exercise regularly, and get the rest your body needs. It’s the advice our mothers gave us, and it still works today.

7. Stop procrastinating. When something needs to be done, just do it. Avoidance takes more energy than actually doing. Even if you are feeling very reluctant to begin a project, once you’re in motion you’ll forget your initial concerns. It may help to start out with the simplest part, and ease into the most challenging.

8. Focus on the positive. Take a look around you. What do you have to be grateful for? Taking the time each day to write down at least five things you are thankful for, will serve as a powerful reminder of just how much is going right with your life!

9. Take charge! Keep a journal, tracking the time you spend on your daily rounds. Around 30 percent of our waking hours are spent in regular, day-to-day activities. Decide which of these routines are important, and which can go. Plan ahead. Watch for your energy peaks and yours lumps. Follow you body’s rhythm, working with, and maximizing, your body’s natural cycles. Before you go to bed, take just a few minutes to think about the day that has just passed, and to review the day ahead. This is also a great time to glance at your list of goals, helping you to stay focused. Get started!

Finding a balance in your life is an ongoing process. Life is in a constant state of change — a work in progress. Allow yourself the time to regularly reassess the direction in which you are heading. Are you on track, or have you temporarily derailed? Patiently, but steadfastly, work toward your goals. Follow your dreams, but don’t lose sight of what (or who) you really want.